how to take responsibility of your own self worth

My perception of the world, what matters and what doesn’t, has changed a lot with time. It only took so long into high school for me to realize that past dilemmas in middle school had little to no significance. What was considered popular or “cool” only came to be seen as cringey and stupid in not even a few years. Of course this is how I perceive the world, because this is how everyone perceives the world. Any pre-existing standards for how kids should act, look, and talk now seem futile, they came and then they went. But they mattered at the time, just like today’s standards matter now. Because today’s standards do matter- right?

People struggle with their self-worth because they compare themselves to other people’s standards. Because they don’t meet up with today’s “expectations”. They think that, if they don’t follow directly what the populus deems “acceptable”, they will not be acceptable themselves, and that’s all they really see, or care about. How they are in other people’s perceptions. Nothing much matters besides that to a lot of people. Their standards shift when the populus’ standards shift, and so on. Some individuals’ worldviews matter more than others because they are more representative of the populus’ worldviews. If the popular kids at school wear something, that’s the thing to wear. If a tweet saying “Why does nobody like ‘x’? ‘x’ is actually very good” goes viral, retweets and likes will exponentially increase, as the public opinion as whatever takes the place of “x” shifts, and as people see the tweet and go, “wow, ‘x’ I guess actually is very good!” People tend to walk on a tightrope in order to stay in line with what people expect of them, while any misstep results in immediate ridicule. When what they do or enjoy doesn’t fit into the tiny realm of “correct”, it ends up being detrimental to their self-worth. People will compare themselves to others, attempt to deduce a “standard” and apply themselves to it, because what’s the point if you don’t fit in? What’s the point if you’re not doing better than everyone else? I think these questions are, of all things, easily answerable. But first we need to establish something-

The world is defined by our perception of it. Everyone lives in their own consciousness and has their own biases, altered by their own experiences, surroundings, and lifestyle. Everyone has their own universe, and each is entirely different from one another- there is no objective way to perceive it. I think all this is essential to realize, because with this information, we can deduce that your universe is no more or less “real” than mine, or any other. What matters to other people, means nothing to others; where people see absurdity, others find joy. None of these perceptions are true, and none of them are false. There is no one all-knowing being out there, that has an objective view of the universe, that can tell you if what you’re doing and how you’re doing it is “good” or “bad”. Everyone sees through their own eyes, and that’s okay.

And what that means, is that the public is not a reliable source to set your standards to. If the public has a view on one particular thing, that only means that a lot of people tend to correlate in how they perceive that one thing. That doesn’t mean that the people who don’t correlate with the masses on their perception of it are incorrect. That doesn’t imply anything detrimental about the minority. The public has a long track record of changing their perception on a lot of things, and deeming the previous perception incorrect. What’s funny or cool can “die out” when overused. The public’s perception exists within the present moment. Everyone must be up to date and never miss a beat. But, it’s not really like that, and really, you don’t have to come along with it.

So what’s the point if you don’t fit in, or if you’re not doing better than everyone else? The point is how you feel about yourself, truly, free of the pressures or expectations of others. The point is whether you’re comfortable. The real question, I think, is, what’s the point of fitting in? What’s the point of doing better than everyone else? Because yeah, the public is not a reliable source to set your standards to, and, nobody is, actually. Not your friends, not your family. Nobody, but you. Your universe is the only one that should matter, to you. Just like anyone else’s universe is the only one that should matter to them. When you acknowledge this, you acknowledge that your worth isn’t determined by other people. It’s determined by you.

There’s no room in life to let your worth rest in the hands of how you compare yourself to others, when there’s so much to appreciate about how you view your own world. When you know that your universe is as real as any other, why would those other universes actually matter in comparison to yours? Don’t bend and twist yourself just to fit into the tiny hole that others want to see you go through. There aren’t any real expectations in life if you simply choose to ignore them. When you just, choose to not care what others think about you, because you acknowledge how far they are from your universe. Because you realize that, they don’t actually matter. Yeah, they matter to themselves, and that’s great. But that’s not relevant, not to you. Not to your universe. That experience is so, so freeing. And we can do this by just doing what makes us happy. Who cares if it’s weird? If it doesn’t seem “correct”? Literally, none of that means anything unless you, yourself, think it does. Embrace the weirdness, embrace that it’s nothing that anyone you know would approve of. Who gives a fuck, because there’s no time to worry about any of that. Just, be happy. Because you are the beholder of your own universe. You have the utmost power to do what makes you feel your worth, truly, without regard to what other people think. Realize that power, realize your potential, and do whatever the fuck you want to prove it. Prove it not to your mom, or your friends, or your crush. Prove it to yourself. I mean, it’s kinda what I’m doing, as I sit here, writing my fourth paper. So yeah, get out there and actually do shit. Do what makes you happy, what makes you fulfilled, what makes you comfortable, what makes you feel.

“The only true meaning of life is finding your own way to enjoy it.”-The Amazing World of Gumball, season 3, episode 28

writing piece by Keith Connelly